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quiet [Oct. 10th, 2006|12:51 am]
[location |mind]
[color |calm]
[sound |ambient]

it hasn't been this dead in quite some time.

i'm now moving along a very familiar set of actions

trials, if you will.

first, i will rein in all of my sprawling neuroses.

i will turn them in loops, turn over turn, until i have them by their ends.

i will lay them all before me until the scenery below them is revealed.

next, i will be very still and quiet and listen carefully.

i am trying to find what is real.


work wasn't anything special, except that there was a dinner rush from 6 until 8 with 46 customers. not overwelming in the slightest. lani arrived early and took over customers and bread while i made his pre-prep vegetables. i made seven dollars in tips. it wasn't anything special.

upon arriving home i checked my soulseek downloads to find that the velvet underground album did not finish and that the two tracks which kept failing were empty files; that is, they had a length of zero bytes. i looked for another copy for some time until i found one. i also discovered that the gerald simpson (a guy called gerald) album i had downloaded was less than half complete and was missing quite a few tracks, so into the trash it went. maybe ill go out and buy the record. the cover art is pretty interesting, its of a bunch of analog roland gear arranged in such a way as to evoke a meta-console of synths.

after that i put on brian eno and read the news. north korea tested their nuclear weapon without any reported problems and more people came forward in the mark foley issue with information of some kind.

liz was playing world of warcraft. she has created a new night elf rogue named "lass". she made sure to point out that she couldn't think of a better name. this morning she seemed annoyed with me and still seems that way now. her tolerance and appreciation of me waxes and wanes periodically and sometimes i think she'd just rather be alone. sometimes i'd just rather be alone too. sometimes i really wish she'd have just gotten another job and moved into the olive towers like she wanted to in the first place. now that i know i can afford this apartment on my own, without supporting her, i'm confident enough to want time completely alone. as it stands, all i ever have is a door to close.

i've been thinking about asking her to get food-stamps.

today this adorable, beat up young girl came through subway. she had red hair and piercings in her face. she ordered three sandwiches for her friends and her who had all come up from oakland just that day. they had all taken a freight-car up here, which i admitted to her i was equally impressed by and frightened. in retrospect, she must've gotten the cut on her forehead from a miscalculated jump here or there. at any rate, once we got to the cash register, she produced a california food stamp card. we don't accept any kind of food stamps, let alone california food stamps, and i feigned attempts at running the card for her benefit before i ran back to the rear of the store to grab my wallet from my pants and pull my subway club card with seventy-something points on it to buy one of her sandwiches for her. i told her to just take the others and we'll say she stole them. i felt like she needed the sandwiches, and also she had implied that she would be leaving town that same night. i saw no consequence in allowing her to steal them. it wouldn't make that much of a difference, and she won't come back for more. i hope chere doesn't check the camera.